Disney World Ain’t for Kids Pt. 7

Disclaimer:  I have a feeling I’m gonna take a lot of shit for this piece.  Probably lose my lucrative Disney sponsorship, in the process.  But, what the hell, right?!?!?  YOLO!  We’re just having a lil fun here.  I love WDW probably more than most of you.  I’ve taken my kids there several times (Sarah being there the most…at least 5 times). So, make sure your sense of humor is firmly in place before moving any further…

“this is the end, my beautiful friend.  the end.”  – jim morrison

The last time we got together for this series, we were talking about the price of “stuff” in Walt Disney World.  Today, though?  We’re getting down to brass tacks.  The souvenirs.  Some are good.  Most?!?!?  Judge for yourself (with me totally influencing you).

god. it pisses me off just looking at it.

Did you see that thing? Did you? Look at it.  LOOK AT IT!!!  your friendly neighborhood jman HATES these things. Talk about a complete waste of money! The kids, though, they love this shit. They eat it up. If something lights up, kids want it. And if it spins? You might as well just hand over your wallet.  These things are all over Disney World, you can’t escape them. And you know you can only tell the kids so many times they can’t have something, before some ugly stuff starts going down. Especially when these light up thingies are everywhere you turn. So, what do you do? You, buck up and buy it.

15 dollars (american) well spent!


The best part bout these light up thingies?   They cost upwards of 15 bucks. Yea…you read that right. I’ll give you the opportunity to shove your peepers back into your noggin.  15 dollars.  American.  I told you, you were gonna need a bank roll!

And, like I said, crap like this is ALL OVER THE PLACE!  There’s no where to run to, baby.  No where to hide.   I gotta admit though, that sprayer is a fairly good idea.  It can get pretty damn hot there in Orlando.  Just make sure you’ve got a 50 on ya.  Cause everyone in the clan is gonna want/need one.  And unless you want your ears to bleed, you’ll buy them just for a moment’s silence.

Then there’s stuff like this.  I know behind the scenes the cast members call this stuff “Trash Can Fodder”.  This is the kind of stuff that if it’s not lost almost immediately upon opening, it ends up in the trash shortly thereafter, cause you stepped on it in the middle of the night.  Look, I’m a big fan of Indiana Jones, I’m a big fan of toys, and even I wouldn’t buy this crap.

I have no words for this.  This is shameless.  It’s a freakin piece of paper in a plastic sleeve.  It cost like 5 bucks and has NO intrinsic value.  God damn!  Those Disney folks are genius!

Whup!  Now here’s some Bottom of the Toy Box Stuff for ya.  For clarification sake, I want to take a moment to explain the difference between Bottom of the Toy Box Stuff and Trash Can Fodder.  Actually,  there isn’t much of a difference other than these pieces are a bit bigger than that Indy crap.  So, these have a better shot of actually making it home with you.  Probably not, though.

Oh, and FYI.  I know it says “Disney Store” on the box, but rest assured, I saw these at Disney World.

Now, don’t be fooled by this playset.  Don’t think it’s “worth it” or a “value”.  Cause it’s not.  This is just as bad as the Trash Can Fodder.  Maybe worse, actually.  And here’s why.  You’re paying extra money for the dino head playset.  The figures are only gonna end up in the great toybox in the sky, the dino head’s gonna be broken and you’re out 117 bucks.

Coloring books?   COLORING BOOKS?!?!?   Alright, I admit.  These may be a safe investment.  But, coloring books don’t get the hairs on the back of kid’s necks standing up, if you know what I mean.  Coloring books are bor-ring for any kid over 5.  But, for kids 5 and under, it might shut them up for a few minutes back at the hotel, on the plane and maybe 3 minutes or so back home.  And isn’t it all bout shutting the lil darlings up?!?!?

More crap you’ll be throwing out of the toy box 2 years after your trip.

Ok.  Here’s one that gets your friendly neighborhood jman’s seal of approval.

get it?!?!?

And not just because Nerf guns are wicked awesome either.  Yes, the kids will end up losing the discs.  No…there’s no replacements for them, either.  But, for play value, it’s worth the $20.95.


And…there you have it.  7 articles on why Walt Disney World isn’t for kids.  Yea…I’m sad to see this one over, too.  I’d like to thank Walt Disney World/Disney corporation for not suing me (yet), and not sending me any cease and desist letters (yet) and not all around harassing me legally (yet).

Awwwww…Nice!  Look at you!  You want an encore?!?!  You really want more?!?!?  Fine…I’ve got a quasi-update for coming up very shortly.  I just need a few moments back stage before I come back out…



Hear that?  Time to come back out on stage!  My encore?  You’ll never guess…Tales from the Vacation!  Live from Mecca!

Image courtesy of:

Seal:  imghumour.com
Lighters:  tvtropes.org


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