Tales from the Vacation: Food!

One of the best parts of a Walt Disney World Resort ® vacation?  The food.  Both the quality and the quantity of it.  Which works out great for your friendly neighborhood jman.  Cause when I go on vacation, I tend to overindulge when it comes to eating.  What can I say?  I watch what I eat every other non-vacation day, so why not indulge a bit when I go away?

suresuresure. it looks nice and all. but, that water’s got critters livin in it. i’ll take the chlorinated pool, thank you kindly.

When it comes to vacations, I have a few basic requirements:  A hot climate, a nice hotel (with air conditioning), a chlorinated pool and lots and lots (and lots) of food.  Those of you that like to go hiking or camping or (worse yet) skiing.  God bless!  To each his own.  Me?  I’d rather just sit at my desk at work then spend a night sweating (or freezing) my ass off in the forest.

tell me that’s not a human femur.

And the Walt Disney World Resort ® fits my vacation bill rather nicely.  Especially when it comes to food.  They are spot on.  I mean, c’mon.  You’ve seen those gargantuan Turkey Legs.  Where else on the planet can you get one of those things right after you had a nice Italian dinner?  Besides, some place in Italy, that is?

you know you’re in a cult, when they’ve got a mascot.

Truth be told, though, I just can’t get myself into the whole turkey leg experience.  I’ve only tried it once, a long time ago.  From what I recall, it was good and all. But, I remember feeling like a cannibal, sitting around outside, gnawing on that monstrosity.  Listen, it’s not like I’m prim and proper or anything.  Shit!  Sometimes I don’t cut my nails for weeks at a time.  But, when I’m on vacation I want to be a sloth, not a cannibal.

and t shirts.

So, what does do it for me 1?  What does make my food experience at the Walt Disney World Resort ® complete?  Well, I’ll tell ya.  There are 3 items that I get EVERY time I go.  Without a doubt.  EVERY SINGLE TIME.  They are (in this particular order, too):

3)  Rice Krispy treats. 

Yeayeayea.  I know they’re really “easy” to make.  Blahblahblah.  Have you tried making them recently?  What a severe pain in the ass.  When was the last time you tried mixing those 17 cups of Rice Krispies with that quickly cooling bag of marshmallows?  Mixing that shit hurts your hands after awhile!  Besides these are Walt Disney World Resort ® treats.  They have that extra special bit o magic in them.  See for yourself:

They’ve really gotten creative with them over the years.  It wasn’t that long ago you could only get a Mickey shaped krispy treat with chocolate covered ears.  And that was the cat’s pajamas.  Now?  God damn!  You really gotta love progress.

I tell you what, if I was half the man I thought I was, I would’ve bought that Mickey Krispy cake.  And demolished it in one sitting.  Fucking conscience gets in the way.  EVERY SINGLE TIME.

2)  Caramel/Candy coated apples

Look at those!  For all that’s good and holy, get down on your knees and genuflect on the madness of these candied/carameled/chocolated apples.  I am not worthy.  And neither are you.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get one.  Not this time.  I was kinda full, short on time and 10 bucks?  That’s A LOT of money for something so fleeting.  Iknowiknowiknow.  I know I just said:  “There are 3 items that I get EVERY time I go.  Without a doubt.  EVERY SINGLE TIME”.  This time was the exception, though.  I swear!  We’re usually at the Walt Disney World Resort ® for more than the 2 days that Kelly Marie and I were this time.  So, I wasn’t able to get my full treatage in.  Believe you me, there’s a perfectly good reason why I didn’t get one of those apples (besides the price tag).

1)  Ice cream sammich

This.  This is what it’s all about.  If I’m honest with you (and most times I’m not), it’s the only reason to go to the Walt Disney World Resort ® in the first place.  Yeayeayea.  This lil slice huge chunk of heaven.  Just like the Rice Krispy treats you could make this at home.  But, you know you wouldn’t make it nearly this decadent (Look.  I’m sorry for using that word.  Grown, heterosexual men don’t use the word “decadent”.  It just smacks of “I can’t handle eating all this delicious treatage.” But, for lack of any other word, “decadent” it is.).

that’s like two quarts of ice cream right there. and those cookies? they’re bigger than Andre the Giant’s hands!

And it’s the reason why I didn’t get one of those apples.  Cause I was so fucking stuffed after eating that sammich, I could barely make it to the exit, let alone choke down another bite of anything.  And it’s not like I could’ve gotten an apple and saved it for later.  Cause we were only there for two days!

I sound like a whiney lil girl, don’t I?

waaaaaa! i’m so full!

Just in case you were wondering, I did eat that whole ice cream sammich.  By myself.  Kelly Marie?  She had a ginormous mint banana sundae (or some shit) that was at least 3 quarts of ice cream.  I would’ve taken a picture of it, but she tore into that thing like she hadn’t eaten in years.  She put a hurtin on that sundae, the likes I have never seen.

Next?  Souvenirs, baby!!!

  1. Boobs

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