Tales from the Vacation: Nassau

 “It’s better in the Bahamas,
Romance all the day
All the hideaways, All the lazy days…”
                                            “It’s Better in the Bahamas” jingle

Well, I don’t know all about that.  I’ll give the Bahamas jingle the benefit of the doubt, though.  It’s not like Kelly Marie and I spent a great amount of time there.  Only a few hours, to be exact.  So, it could very well be true.  But, I doubt it.

We did get off the boat, though.  That’s gotta count for somthing.  I mean, we could’ve slept the whole day (like I wanted).  But, we explored probably a good square foot of Nassau, not really leaving sight of the boat.  Like good tourist should.  Look. I’ve seen the movies like The Ruins and Turistas.  You just don’t go wandering too far off in foreign lands.  Unless you’re looking to have some of your organs removed from your person.

that’s not bad news. at all.

And all that sight seeing, my friends, was enough for your friendly neighborhood jman to pass his mighty judgment upon the island.

click to explore!

We ended up shopping, like good tourist should.  For whatever reason, Nassau is known for it’s jewelry stores.  Why they couldn’t be known for it’s electronic/gadget stores, is beyond me.  Look, there’s only so many jewelry stores you can go into.  Not electronic stores, though.  A body can shop those all day and all night.

jewelry shops. why did it have to be jewelry shops?!?!

The other thing Nassau has a lot of?  Toursity type…well, crap.  Now don’t get me wrong.  Not all of it was crap.  Some of it was finely crafted works of art.  I actually watched a few folks carve some very impressive statues.

The rest of it, though?  Crap.

charming, no?

One of the first places Kelly Marie and I went was the Straw Market.  Man!  You wanna talk about a hard sell!   Here’s a tip for you.  If you go into the Straw Market, or any place like it, keep moving forward and keep your eyes focused on the ground.  Unless you’re planning to buy something.  Otherwise?  You make a picosecond’s worth of eye contact with any of the merchandise, or the stand’s owner?  You might as well hand your monies over.

Now, look.  I’m not making fun of the people or anything.  I know this place is their livelihood and all.  I’m just saying…stay on the boat.

After making it out of the straw market, Kelly Marie and I wandered the rest of Bay Street.  And that’s where I found the crap that makes the shops on the boardwalk at the Jersey shore look like they sell products with the Versace label.

There was this sign.  I kinda agree with the sentiment, actually.

And this sign:

And this offensive little doll.

It may have not been so offensive if they had an ex-wife doll.


I really wanted Kelly Marie to get these shoes.  She demurred though.  She said she had already inquired with the shop’s owner when she was on the boat.  But, they didn’t have her size.  And she didn’t want to disappoint me.  She’s so sweet that way.

you never know when you’ll be invited to a black tie affair

On the way back to the boat, I got catcalled from these “certified” hair braiders.  Enticing me with offers to braid my hair from their open aired shop.  I was almost swayed.  I mean, they were “certified”, but in the end?  I declined.  I mean…how does one get certified to braid hair anyway?!?

Next stop?  Back to Mecca.

4 Replies to “Tales from the Vacation: Nassau”

  1. Nassau sucks. I’ve only been there on a cruise and we went to the Atlantis for the day on a discounted price which was still more than any human being should pay to feel like walking through a sardine can. The place is dirty and disgusting and I never felt 100% safe. Buying all the crap seem like a hoot when you’ve spent enough time in Señor Frogs, then you get home and you are like “what the hell did I buy?”

    1. lmao!!! amen to that! especially the part about Senor Frogs. i think everyone that goes there, ends up feeling the same way…

    1. it was. it was a lot of fun. and KM? best thing that ever happened to me (i gotta say that. she reads the blog). 🙂

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