Tales from the Vacation: Skymall.

Ahhhh…Skymall.  What better way to take your mind off of how that multi-ton cigar tube called an aeroplane, you’ve just strapped yourself into, is going to manage to stay aloft for the next several hours.  So while the flight attendant is instructing the rest of the passengers on pre flight precautions, let’s peruse this flight’s issue (take it!  It’s a free copy.  They’ll replace it!) and hope to god that we don’t have any kind of turbulanic trouble, causing the plane to depressurize and make the oxygen masks pop out, cause we really weren’t paying attention to how they work.

Skymall is one of those catalogs like Brookstone and Sharper Image.  Really expensive, semi-out dated crap (nonono.  Please.  Please don’t waste your time sending me links to shit that’s current or cutting edge.  The die has been cast for those companies long ago for me.).  So imagine my surprise dude looks like a lady when I saw this while going thru the catalog:

Suresuresure.  It’s still an overpriced 200 bucks.  But that’s an R2 unit, amiright?!?!?  In Skymall?!?!?  Either I’m getting old or Skymall is becoming…hip?!?!?  Nah!?!?

Case in point to my earlier statement.  A 100 bucks for an mp3 player?!?!  It doesn’t even tell you the size of it.  I don’t mean the physical size of the player.  I mean the size of the hard drive.  I’d wager dollars to donuts that thing is a 4g drive.  You can a 4 gig iPod shuffle for 50 bucks!  And that’s an uncheap Apple product!  Is the price point because they’ve got the “Library of Classics” pre-loaded on there?  Please!  Again…I’d wager dollars to donuts all those audiobooks are in the public domain.  Which means you probably could get them really cheap…if not for free.

I can barely get my kids to go on the “potty”.  Let alone train a cat?!?!  And what’s with that cat anyway!?!?!?  I totally don’t like the way it’s looking at me.

I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t travel.  I’ve been on a plane maybe a dozen times or so in my life and most of those trips were 3 hours or less.  I watch a lot of tv and movies though.  And I have NEVER seen ANYONE use one of those things.  And you know why no one uses them?  No…not because it’s big and bulky.  It’s because you know the second you fall asleep on that thing…you’re gonna be drooling all over it and yourself.

This thing is a pretty clever idea.  120 bucks though?!?!  If you’re gonna shell out that kinda coin, then you can shell out another 100 and get yourself a tablet.  They’re A LOT less cumbersome. Especially if you think you’re gonna take that portable laptop table on business trips.

I think I saw a bunch of kids wearing these things at the mall the other day.

Nothing, I mean…NO THING…screams class like a mounted squirrel’s head.  For 25 bucks, I might consider getting one.  Actually, if I were going to do it, I’d probably get a few.  I could arrange them on the wall in my studio (ie garage) and be known as the Squirrel Hunter.

This, by far, is the best, nay…the most surprising product in the whole catalog.  A zombie statue for your garden!?!?!?  Wow!  That is flippin cool.  If I had a garden, and a spare 100 bucks, I’d get one!

Another sign of the times!?!?  The Hobbit and Harry Potter merch?  In Skymall?  Maybe I need to retract my opening statement.

Alright…this one doesn’t really have anything to do with Skymall per se.  It’s the ad on the back cover of the catalog.  Pop quiz for you.  Being fluent in a language is to arm wrestling as “what” is to “what”?  I’ll give you a moment to consider it…

 

 

 

 

 

Wrong! It’s a trick question.  This ad makes no fucking sense.  Is arm wrestling the way you greet Amish looking strangers these days?  If that’s the case, why do you need to know another language to arm wrestle them?  And why are those business dressed professionals smiling at them?  It makes no sense!

And there you have it.  We managed to kill about 30 seconds.  Have we left the tarmac yet?

Next time…I’ll be on a Boat

4 thoughts on “Tales from the Vacation: Skymall.

  1. LOL! My son, who btw loves the skymall, loves that garden zombie, too and has often considered if the money is worth it or not (I say not, but then again, I don’t have a garden either!).

    • seriously. it is the best. it totally fulfills my catalog needs. i don’t think there’s a thing i’d seriously consider buying in there (cept for the zombie), but it’s fun to page through!

  2. I must find a way to convince my hubz to purchase that zombie for my back yard. It would fit right in with the broken lawn mower still sitting out from last summer (yep, in the snow!), the broken fencing from autumn’s windstorms, and our downed cable line. Frightening, indeed! :)

  3. Pingback: Tales from the Vacation: Prelude | Fadderly

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