Tales from the Vacation: Homeward Bound

The thing about vacations is that they always come to an end.  Stupid vacations.  Life is funny that way, isn’t it?  It just keeps marching right along, whether you’re fighting it like a kid throwing a fit who was just told they’re not allowed to buy another toy at the Walt Disney World Resort ® or not.

but, i don’t wanna go home!

As ma likes to say, vacations are good, but it’s always nice going home.  I gotta admit, as much as I “in one ear out the other” my mother (I can safely say that here cause I know she reads everyone else’s blog but mine) there’s a lot of truth in that statement.  It was time to head home.

when i step into one of these, it just feels like vacation!

So, after 5 days away from the chaos, Kelly Marie and I packed our bags and headed back to Orlando International Airport (which, btw, if I had to name a favorite airport, the Orlando International would be it.  Why?  Just like everything else in my life, I have no idea.  Probably memories tainting my experience, making it seem better than it actually is/was.).

to be honest with you, i was a little worried i was gonna come out the other end looking like Brundlefly

We got through TSA pretty quickly.  As an aside, the whole TSA experience is a weird thing.  People taking their shoes off, undressing, hurrying…the whole thing is fucked up.  Flying is traumatic enough, let alone going through all this BS.  It’s sad to think that 15 years ago, we didn’t have to go through any of this crap.  What’s even sadder, is to think that your friendly neighborhood jman is old enough to look back fondly at a time period 15 years ago.  Next thing you know, I’ll be saying shit like:  “In my day we had to actually dial the numbers to call someone on the telephone.”

nothing worse than dialing this fucker when you were pissed!

Anyway, once we got poked, prodded and scanned by the TSA, Kelly Marie and I boarded the plane, found our seats and waited for reality to come crashing back down around us.

The flight was pretty uneventful.  For the first hour and a half or so.  And shortly thereafter…that’s when the turbulence hit.  Now, look, I am by no means a seasoned flyer.  But, I’ve been on a flight or two in my day.  And I have NOT experienced turbulence like that before.  Ever.

uhhh…is it too late to turn around?!?!?

It was one of those moments where I kept expecting to see the oxygen masks drop down.  They didn’t, which is probably a good thing.  And it’s also a good thing that the kids weren’t traveling with us, and that the oxygen masks didn’t drop down, cause I totally wasn’t paying attention to the stewardess flight attendant when she was going through the pre-flight safety rundown.   And I would’ve ended up putting the oxygen masks on the kids first, thereby causing myself to pass out.

why do you get to breathe and i don’t?!?!?

Stupid kids.

My problem? I’ve seen waaaayyyy too many plane crashes in the movies over the years.

embedded by Embedded Video

do yourself a solid.  don’t watch this.  you’ll thank me.

But, once we started our descent, the turbulence stopped.  And we landed safely in good ol’ Philly International.

i can’t seem to figure out why my allergies are so bad. weird.

The End



Images courtesy of:
Phone:  www.apartmenttherapy.com

Plane:  www.nytimes.com

Refinery:  www.shalereporter.com

body scanner:  arstechnica.com



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