Your friendly neighborhood jman has been accused of liking strange foods. Not exotic foods, mind you, but strange foods. Like the Steak flavored chips Walmart sells (in my defense I didn’t actually “like” them like them. It’s not like I ever went out and bought them again. I swear!) So, because I have a rep to protect, once I saw these Chicken and Waffle chips by Lay’s were the real deal, I knew I had to try them. Just like “I knew” this thing had “bit” written all over it.
Apparently, the chips have been out for a while now. But, I hadn’t been able to get my hands on them. A couple of weeks ago, Fate finally smiled kindly on us all. When I ran into my local Wawa to pick up some milk one night, I saw the chips there (I know. I know. Iknowiknowiknow. Lay’s puts out two other flavors along with this Chicken and Waffles flavor, but the other flavors are just bor-ring). So, of course I picked them up. And, of course, everyone was in the car when I bought them. And, of course, everyone wanted to try them right then and there. And, of course, they were all pissed when I told them they’d have to wait.
“Why? Is it for your blog?!!??” Natalia instigated from her station behind me in the family vehicle.
“Yes. As a matter of fact.” I said, looking at her in the rear view mirror. “I am.”
They all muttered and moaned. You’d think they’d be used to this shit by now. But, nooooooo!!!
And I swear to all that’s holy, every day since I bought them, Jakob asked if I opened them yet. Or if he could have one. And every day since I bought them it was the same answer. And it usually went down something like this:
“No. Not yet.”
“Why dad?” Jakob asked.
“The same reason I told you yesterday. I’ve got to take pictures of them.” I replied, a bit impatiently.
“For your blog?”
“I don’t get why you have to take pictures anyway.”
“Because I do.”
“Because I do.”
“Jake.” I said getting frustrated with the line of questioning. “ Just go away. You’ll be the first to know when I open them, ok?!?!?”
“I don’t get why you just don’t take the pictures already. Why does it take you so long to take pictures?”
“Because I’ve got a million other things to do, besides take pictures. I’ve got to work. I’ve got to food shop. I’ve got to take you kids all over the place. I’ve got…”
“Wait.” Jake interrupted. “ You’ve got a food shop?”
“What?” I asked in return, not understanding his question.
“You bought a food shop?”
I scowled at him. “What the devil are you talking about?”
“You know. A food shop? Like a food store?”
I looked at him for a really long moment. A really long and awkward moment. “Are you kidding me? No, Jake. I did not buy a food store. I said I had to “food shop” as in buy food.”
“Ohhhhhh.” He responded. Like he understood what I was saying. He probably was in contact with the mother planet, though.
“Go away Jake.”
(I don’t know what it is about me. This was supposed to be a short bit. Now I’m running long. Gotta wrap this shit up.)
So, yesterday, I had a free moment. I grabbed the bag of chips, took some pics and gathered the clan around. And, yes, Jakob was the first to try them. So without further adieu, here are everyone’s thoughts on Lay’s Chicken and Waffle potato chips:
Jakob: “They’re gross. At first they taste like chicken. And then, after you eat a few, they taste like syrup.”
Jethro: “They’re gross.”
Natalia: (taking a small bite) “Here. Take this shit (Yes. She said “shit”. I don’t encourage cussing in my house!). These are gross.
Kelly Marie: “What are they gonna come out with next that you’re gonna fucking (yes. She actually said “fucking”. Now you know where Natalia gets it from) make us eat?” Then after grabbing a few more chips…“Actually they’re pretty good. They’ve got this syrupy after taste.”
Kelly Marie and Sarah were running out the door when I stopped them to try the chips. After doing their part for the bit, they both stared at me.
“Are we done here?” Kelly Marie asked, grabbing the bag of chips from me.
“Yup. Thanks for your help, ladies.”
“Ok. Sarah and I will be back in a bit.” She said, taking a few more chips and putting the bag on the counter.
“Ok.” I said, leaning in for a kiss.
“Eiw!” Natalia yelled out. “Chicken and Waffle kiss!!!!”