Planet of the Jakes: Field trippin’ to the Aquarium Pt 1

Ahhhh…Spring!  Spring is in the air. The time of year when a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of…chaperoning a bunch of short attention spanned 3rd graders?!?!  Yup!  It’s that time of year again.  Your friendly neighborhood jman made what seems to becoming my annual pilgrimage to Adventure Aquarium, this time with Jakob and his class.

Adventure time!

Adventure time!

I AM getting smarter about these things, though.  I took a ton of pictures.  Forget keeping an eye on the kids in my group.  I’ve got work to do!  I’ve got people to entertain!

the atrium. so fishy!

Our adventure at the aquarium began with some shark petting.  FYI…only use 2 fingers to pet the sharks, k?!?!?  I swear kids are so stupid or have extreme wax build up in their ears, because the guy with the microphone had to say it over and over again.  If it were me, after the 10th time I’d be wicked pissed and screaming at the kids.

I said two fingers! Like the Tequila! TWO FINGERS!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?!??

I said two fingers! Like the Tequila! TWO FINGERS!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?!??

Guess that’s why I write and not curate exhibits at aquariums.

feels like chicken!

feels like chicken!

The aquarium has a huge ass tank in it.  According to their website, it holds 760,000 gallons of seawater.  Folks, that’s more seawater than the amount of water contained in the Gulf of Mexico 1

that’s a lot of water!

that’s a lot of water!

We stood there for a bit marveling at all the sea creatures.

not a movie screen.  that's the tank.

not a movie screen. that’s the tank.

The tank is full of all kinds of sealife.  But the only thing we cared about?  The sharks.  And how come the sharks weren’t causing all sorts of spectacular damage?

Nonono.  Those aren’t some sort of exotic sea life form only found in the depths of the Atlantic.  Those are my sneakers.

Nonono. Those aren’t some sort of exotic sea life form only found in the depths of the Atlantic. Those are my sneakers.

I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself with the shark business, here. I’ll be going more indepth with them later.  For now, let’s say the tank was a bit disappointing.  That is, if you were expecting some carnage.

eat something you stupid shark!

eat something you stupid shark!

One of the main attractions at the aquarium this year was Magic Mighty Mike.  You might think that Magic Mighty Mike is some sort of exotically bred alligator.  Nope.  Magic Mighty Mike hails from the good ol’ pan handle state of Florida.  He was found back in 2000 doing shit that he wasn’t supposed to.  Instead of “disposing” of the creature, some genius (and I’m not being facetious here when I say “genius”, because the guy’s probably making a ton of money) saved him, gave him a clever name and put him on tour.

i know.  i know.  sounds pretty wrong.  that's why i took a pic of it.

i know. i know. sounds pretty wrong. that’s why i took a pic of it.

Magic Mighty Mike clocks in at 14 feet long and 800 pounds.  According to the employee manning Magic Mighty Mike’s exhibit, he’s “supposedly” (my word, not there’s) the largest alligator in the country.  On display.  Outside of Florida.  I don’t know.  When you put it like that, makes Magic Mighty Mike a bit less impressive.

would've made a nice pair of boots for some country star.

would’ve made a nice pair of boots for some country star.

I don’t want to diminish his size, though.  The fucker is pretty big.

for an alligator on display OUTSIDE of Florida.

for an alligator on display OUTSIDE of Florida.

Stay tuned for more, next time!

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Images courtesy of:

Building:  www.dvrbs.com

Gulf of mexico:  earthobservatory.nasa.gov

 

 

  1. No.  It’s not.  I just totally made that shit up

One thought on “Planet of the Jakes: Field trippin’ to the Aquarium Pt 1

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