Do Me A Solid, Don’t…Buy Nerf Vortex Guns!

Do Me A Solid, Don’t…Buy Nerf Vortex Guns!

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In the Fadderly household, we take our Nerfing seriously.  Very seriously.  It’s cut throat and ugly.  Between Nerf, Super Soakers and water balloons we’ve had several battles, crossing multi families, that have lasted several days minutes.  Ask Kelly Marie, who’s known for using her children as human shields.

Just sayin.

this one shoots 50 million darts at once.
just imagine you on the ground, this in your face. yup! NERRRRRRRRRF!
one of my favorite weapons!
another semi-automatic welt producer.

So…when you see this face coming, you should be scared.

yea. that's right.

We’ve got a pretty decent arsenal going.  And by “we”, “we” all know I mean “your friendly neighborhood jman”.  Suresuresure, the kids have their own weapons and all.  But, they don’t take care of theirs.  They misplace them, lose pieces, lose bullets, etc.  Which leaves them woefully unprepared for battle.  And crying like little girls until I let them raid my stockpile.  Kids!

i totally feel badass with these.

Recently, Nerf introduced a new line of welt inducing weapons called Vortex.  Instead of firing darts, these guns fire discs.  That hurt.

jethro's first vortex gun

I wasn’t all that crazy about the new guns at first.  Discs?  For real?  Meh.  But, after Jethro got one for his birthday, I knew these things were the real deal.

These guns are so great, Popular Science even wrote about them.

Which brings me to the “tale” part of our tale.  A few days ago, I came downstairs to find Jethro and his associates taking turns shooting each other in the “nuts”, with Jakob recording the whole episode on his iPod.

the "nutbuster"

One kid would sit on the chair, legs akimbo,  while the other one would fire the projectiles at him from across the room.  Why?  I have no idea.  Before, you’d have to warn kids about doing the stupid stunts they showed on MTV’s Jackass.  Now?  Don’t let your boys grow up to be cowboys watch Youtube!

Just sayin.

Of course, when I saw this scene, I screamed them stupid.  God!  Boys are so dumb.  Unbelievably, really.  I’m kinda surprised they don’t take turn sticking a wet fork into an electrical outlet.

not a great idea, boys.

I yelled until one of the discs hit Jethro square in the jewels. And then I began to cry.  I was laughing so hard, that tears were running out of my eyes.  I’d love to show you the video, but…I don’t know.  It’s the internets and all.  How bout you enjoy this video, instead?

Okokokok.  Maybe that sucked.  How’s about I do this instead.  How’s about I give one of these sumbitches away? Would that make things better?

The above pictured gun is the one you’re getting.  It’s a brand new weapon, folks.  Right from the Fadderly collection and autographed by yours truly (for extra devalue-ment).  No foolin, here.  This weapon has seen war!  There’s no box included, but I do have the instructions, if you actually read that shit.  You’ll also get the discs, too.  Cause, what fun would that be without them?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

All’s you gotta do to enter is “like” my facebook page through the Rafflecopter widget above.  Just click the “do it” button.  Or, if you’ve already liked my FB page, you can also leave a comment (by clicking the other “do it” button in the said Rafflecopter widget above) saying how much you love me.  Easy enough, right?  Good luck, then!

i TOLD you i looked totally badass with those two guns! the camera in front of me and the oversized superman behind me totally make me look even more super wicked badass. and yes, that wiring is totally safe, as well.

You can see more of the pics over on my Flickr.

Img source



    • i was really mad when I saw what those dopes boys we’re doing. i was yelling at them as i was coming down the steps, just at the fateful shot hit its mark. i could not stop laughing…

  1. HA! You know, one of the things we watched at Comikaze was the Nerf Assault death match, until only one person was left standing. And I felt bad for anyone that had the Mavericks (the blue and yellow one you have picture) – those things jam up ALL the time! Yes, we have some here, too. And yes, everyone who had one (including Tank Girl) went down quickly because it jammed on them.

    I totally want to win this giveaway.

    • the Mavericks are really cool looking, but not real effective. so is the Vulcan gatling gun. looks cool, but not real effective once you run out of alltilery. once that things empty, you just leave it and hope you have plenty of backup…

      • Of course, the best part of the match was watching everyone scramble to reload the scattered ammo without getting shot.

        Actually, the best part was this little kid dressed as the Flash who didn’t fire a shot, but out ran shots for most of the match. He didn’t win, but the whole audience groaned when was hit.

        I am going to have to invest in a Nerf gun soon- My friend wants me to join her Star Wars LARP as the mercenary character I played in our tabletop game, and the last thing I want is a gun that’ll lock up on me.

        (Boy, I’m earning the Geek part of my blog name today, aren’t I?)

        • that’s cool!!!

          that is the hardest part of nerf wars. ammo. using it. losing it. reloading. need to have a hidden stockpile somewhere. for just such an occasion. :)

  2. My boys have nerf gunfights frequently in the house. GI Joe’s are used as target practice so they can hone their skills. When my oldest got the sniper rifle my middle child became outgunned. He really wanted a disk shooter from Target (irony!) for his bday and I almost got it, but I wasn’t sure about the quality of flight. Your ‘review’ has convinced me they’ll be good enough to even the score!

    I suggest Nerf change their slogan to:

    “Nerf: Balls to the walls action!”

    • lmao! i like that. “Nerf: Balls to the walls action!” Dude, you need to work in marketing!

      you gotta let me know how he makes out with that gun. i guarantee he won’t be disappointed.

  3. Nerf. Is there anything this company can’t do well? LOVE Nerf guns & Nerf warfare. When my daughter asked for a Nerf gun for Christmas a few years ago, I welled up.

  4. My son-in-law and friends started doing what they call Dart Wars with nerf darts. It is aimed (pun intended) at teenagers; food and a gospel message is included. Adults have been known to get into it, also. Anyone under 18 is required to wear eye protection.

    The disks sound like other protection needs to be required.

  5. Jesse, this is hilarious and quite scary at the same time! I can totally relate to your kids as my Hubby bought a Nerf shotgun that he constantly tries to pelt me in the neck with. *Lightbulb!* Maybe I should register to win this gun. It would even up the odds! *Evil laugh.*

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